Monday, January 26, 2009

Time to expose how I feel again, hehe

For the past year and a half, I felt I knew where I was going. Or better put, I felt as if I knew where I was going. It was not perfect – I was tired most of the time even then. I was complaining a lot. But then I felt how relief would always come in perfect timing. Simply because I have my person. (and no, it was not a boyfriend. Just a good friend.)

You know sometimes how someone can make you want to be a better person. You reflect on your principles, and you weigh them if some of them come in conflict with each other, until you realize what matters over what. You see how he sees life, and you want to try to look at things the way he does. You feel how he manages his relationships with other people he cares about, and you want to try to build yours in the same way.

So visually- I felt that I was facing a lot of unfamiliar roads, but then I felt brave enough to explore them because someone was reminding me how to keep my eyes open and be thankful for whatever surprise that could come our way.

Then all of a sudden, he left. Because I have become a burden. I suddenly realized that I’ve become so self-centered that I did not recognize that he has his own principles to think about, his life to see, and own relationships to keep. I was so self-centered that while I feel like being a better person with him, he felt the opposite. I make him wrong. I make him a bad person. I make him unfree. I make him feel unworthy of the beautiful relationship he has with someone else.

And so he left. And I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel that I have principles, perspectives and faith to review and rebuild if necessary – for me to be able to call them my own and not his. But amid the hurting and the damage, I do not hate him. And I probably never will.

Because he may have left me on this painfully unfamiliar road, but he left me pieces of principles, perspectives, and maybe courage to just keep my self going.

Posted by tengcorrea at 1/26/2009 02:03:00 PM

0 comments Friday, January 09, 2009

Baler

“Sa Baler, nagsimula ang isang kuwento ng pag-ibig.”

The opening line of the movie Baler spells quite a strong promise of a love story. Indeed, it was a love story, but unlike your typical love stories that naturally highlight the romantic thrill, Baler gives us a dose of the love that we have for every human being – even if they are called enemies at the time of war. Indeed, as the movie line says it, this “love is worth fighting for” – because we struggle to keep this love even if it sometimes conflicts with our concepts of freedom, loyalty, and love for life.

For those with kilig expectations for this movie, they need to be toned down, I suppose. Neither Jericho-Anne nor the Nikki-Mark on-screen chemistry is vivid. If you are a Jericho fan (like me!!), that superficial romantic thrill is a given. But in my opinion, the couples had no giant gestures of love, thus their love may be true but it was not great. And at the time of war, and given their circumstances, I was hoping for a great love.

BUT the movie highlights a greater love. It is the love for every human being amidst the set-up of a war where people are supposed to kill, to shoot, in the name of whoever for a whatever purpose perceived to be noble. Because at the end of the day, we look at the individual rather than the troop we are supposed to kill. Feliza loved Celso because she looked at him not as a soldier but as a person. Gabriel (Carlo Aquino) stayed with the Spanish soldiers because he was loyal to a person.

The Acting

Jericho is well …. very himself – the intense actor that he is known for. Probably the reason why he did not bag the Best Actor awards. Maybe the judges are looking for something positively different – which to be fair to him, he was able to deliver in certain scenes of the movie, especially during the “Bravo meal”.

Philip Salvador who played the father to Feliza and Gabriel rightfully deserves the Best Supporting Actor award. It was very evident how he shifts from being a man whose sound hatred toward the Spaniards influences how he lives his life (and wants his children to live theirs too), to a father with an innate love for his children (and grandchild later on).

Anne’s acting was good – in the sense that her movements and facial expression sometimes make me forget that her being mestiza should have been a consideration before they gave her the role. But she was able to pull it off. It is just that maybe, I expected more than the ‘in-love’ and the worried look – especially since she is the Best Actress.

The Lighting

I watched the making of the movie, and one of the pride of the movie is its lighting, which they tried to look as natural or raw as possible. To that I agree plus I love the contrast of the bluish tone of the inside of the church versus the lush greens of the outside, not to mention the red orange tinge that sets the romantic mood during Feliza and Celso’s time alone together.