Thursday, January 29, 2004
getting ready for a hell week
aarrghh. next week is gonna be hell - that's for sure.i hate it because i dont think i'd be able to enjoy the long (weekend). there are just so many things to do in preparation for next week's hell.
on feb 4 (here's the sked)
4:30 - wake up.. yes, i HAVE to wake up and arrgghh, take a cold bath this early. i start my everyday preparations STRICTLY 2 or 2 1/2 hours before the appointment. ahh... come on, dont mistake me for having OCD. OC lang, hehe. no, i just really dont feel like being in a hurry or going to somewhere na sabog ako.
6:30 am - we're doing the 3-km test run, in early preparation for the gma-7 fun run.
7:30 am - english class. imagine, after running, i have to be in class. (until 930) arrgghh. walang pahinga. plus i remember that we are to submit din the proposal for the PS-essay. (bad trip, my midterm mark is pressuring me now. ;(
10:30 - 2nd physics long test - i MUST read and understand my notes. i honestly dont understand well those shitty concepts of momentum, work, impulse. i get drained every physics 'taking-down-notes' session. ah i remember, we are also to submit the problem set on work and energy.
speaking of work and energy (gawin daw bang stream of consciousness, oo), i wish i i could have less WORK and more rest to be able to store more ENERGY. [ never mind if i applied the concepts wrongly. hehe. just trying to relate physical concepts with my daily life ]
but with hell week (or even weeks,probably) ahead of me, my plead is hardly possible.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/29/2004 04:35:00 PM
random thoughts
i saw him pass by again. as always, he didnt notice me. he didnt see me. it feels so sad and disappointing how a special bond could be made in a single moment and be gone the next day.(i wouldnt like to keep you guys guessing by giving this vague statement.but i just still dont have enough courage now to mention here the person whom i am referring to. this is fact and not fiction. you just need to get the undertones.)
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a follow-up on my bad dream:
i told belle and joy (my dormmates in the other room) my dream. guess what, i found out that the dormer before who used to sleep in my bed was also having ODD dreams. i felt quite lucky because my dreams weren't as eerie as hers. sabi nila, that dormer once dreamed of waking up and seeing herself sleeping - as if her soul separated from her body. wooaa.. no way. what they did daw was that they changed the position of the bed (for some reasons that even reasons cant explain) i am still thinking if i should also reposition my bed. hassle eh.
joy admitted also that she was having dreams like mine. [woo.. relief.. nothing's wrong with me). and you know what? .. i realized that her bed was also in the same positon/alignment as my bed. i just cant help but wonder, does the position of our beds have something to do with our dreams?
i dont get it. i bet you dont get it more. nobody gets it and i think no one will ever will. ewan.
i might just be thinking too much about this. i might be just over analyzing things. is that a sin?
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ok.. moving on to lighter topics to talk about :
our fil block is watching "bahay-bahayan", an ENTABLADo play, tonight. it's a required thing because we are to write a paper about it. ha, how come there isnt a single paper-free week? arrghh.. (deal with that, teng!)
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Posted by tengcorrea at 1/27/2004 04:25:00 PM
a bad dream
i had another creepy dream last night. here's how it goes:in my dream, i woke up. it seemed so real to me [as if i wasnt dreaming and i REALLY woke up because i was lying down in the exact position when i went to sleep.] i thought i really woke up. but not until i realized that i was in a dark room. it was only then that i have realized that i was JUST dreaming. we usually don't turn off the lights at night in our room. besides, i recognized the room not to be our room in the dormitory, it was our room in baler. [sa hometown ko.]
i couldnt breathe. my whole body was numb. i know i was shouting yet my voice could not be heard. it was as if it was only my mind that was screaming. i felt really helpless. i blinked my eyes several times to wake myself up. i wanted badly to be awake because i was so scared. but nothing was happening. i was still seeing that dark corner of our room. [good thing, i didnt see a monster or a ghost. i dont know what to do if i did.]
then i said "llane [ my roommate], gisingin mo ako'" twice. she came to wake me up. i remember she was wearing a white MEA shirt. [it was just extra weird i still could remember the details, right?] a few seconds after that, i woke up. this time, i REALLY did wake up.
the time then was 11:34. i was surprised because that means that i had only been sleeping for about less than 30 minutes.
llane was still awake that time because she was reviewing for her MATH midterms. i asked her if she heard me say something or if she woke me up. she said she didnt.
this was the third time i had this kind of dream. the first two happened sometime in october,in two consecutive nights. i hate this. i dont understand what these weird dreams are trying to tell me. am i repressed? [[woooaaa, no way.] i am probably just stressed out these past few days.
i barely remember my dreams. what's just strange is that the dreams i couldnt forget are those that scare me - those that make me not want to go to sleep again.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/26/2004 03:12:00 PM
got my advisory grade report
hay.. i just got my advisory marks. hmmm, it was ok. ;) B, i think yung average. ok un.wooaahh.. i got the lowest mark in poetry, c+ [nyek nyek]. i was ready for that, anyway. i was getting really low scores in our long quizzes. and i think i'll keep on getting low scores because im really not good in writing under time pressure. plus -- i got used to writing papers/essays using the computer agad. i cant think and organize thoughts if i only have pen and paper with me. tsk...tsk.. a bad habit. i better change that because in the next years, when we would be having our philo and theo classes, ive heard the quizzes and the finals are mostly essays to be written in class.
i need not be too computer-dependent. just have to think that even without the computer, i still have my brain.
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i feel so lucky such a cool father. wala lang.. immediately after i got my advisory marks, i texted to him that i got a C+ in poetry and that i cant promise him a high grade, especially on that subject. he replied saying that "that's ok, as long as you know that you're doing your best.just do your best because that's what inspires us" well, that sounds like a cliche. a bit mushy, yes. but still, it feels great to hear that from him. it's a sort of an affirmation that all of my efforts are being appreciated. also.it made me feel like a good daughter, in a way -- hehe..
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/24/2004 10:38:00 AM
WALA LANG day
hay, this day is a WALA LANG day.which means?
well, the day is neither a day "so-great-i-can-smile-while-sleeping' nor a day "so-bad-i-wish-i-could-just-go-to-sleep-and-die". nothing is worth remembering about this day.
it's so plain, so bland, so neutral. not really boring, not really fun.
everything's so regular. i went to my pe class - lifted weights [ btw, i did the bench press the wrong way and so now, my upper arm muscles are killing me]. i went to my math class - listened to the teacher [ow, really?] and to her frequent coughing as if telling us "hey, im sick and it sucks being here teaching you, *****". then, fil class, we had reporting. each group reported on the same thing so i wouldnt be surprised if the life of rogelio sicat [take note: with dates included] becomes a mantra in my head. yeah right.
arrgghh..
im such a whiner - a whiner who doesnt know what exactly it is she needs to whine about. [hehe]
well, everyone has a WALA LANG day like this, right? come on, tell me im normal and simply human. ;)
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/22/2004 05:12:00 PM
i havent mastered the art of losing
the other day, we discussed in our poetry class a villanelle entitled one art by elizabeth bishop. the message of the poem struck me. it speaks of the "art of losing". perfect timing. because as you know, last friday, i lost many things- things that you might think are of little importance. but hey, i just couldnt keep myself from whining about losing those things. i always HATE it when i lose things. it makes me feel careless and plain stupid.After reading the poem, Ive realized that probably - "losing isn’t too hard to master.” not too hard – for me, which means that at one point or another, it still is hard. Losing something or worse, losing someone is difficult and painful. But as what the have come up with our discussion with what the author is trying to communicate – in the future, we are bound to lose more things. We can never expect. We can never be too prepared. And so we must all learn to move on, to say to ourselves in times of loss na “ok lang yan”. We must all learn to master the art of losing because it is inevitable.
This made me reflect on the many things I’ve lost in the past – from small, lifeless things such as my cellphone, the strap, my earrings and everything else that would be too many to mention -- to big things who once were breathing – my puppies [ especially dino that I terribly miss now], and my baby brother. ok, i've lost so many and so much in those 17 years of my life.
And this made me become uneasy and made me ask “in the next years of my existence [which i cant exactly put into numbers], what am i bound to lose?”
would it be my faith in god? [ i hope not. i admit im starting to lose it now.. but i swear i dont want that to happen]
would it be my friendships? [ i really hope not. being alone is really lonely.]
would it be my family? [ no way. it's the last thing i wanna lose ]
or would it be myself? [ the darkest part of it all. ]
I am scared. I must master the art of losing. Before it maims me badly.
The art of healing deep wounds is way more difficult to learn, after all.
and so now, i tell myself -- "ok lang yan, teng. ok lang yan."
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/21/2004 04:19:00 PM
we had our pre-finals pe test this morning. we did 20 repetitions [1 set] of bench press, shoulder press, barbel curls and leg press. ha, i could feel my muscles contracting. yikes, i just wish that i won't have 'too much developed' muscles. i definitely dont dream of becoming MS MUSCULAR. yeah right.
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nga pala we had our math midterms results. thank god at least i passed. a 172 out of 200. good enough.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/20/2004 03:42:00 PM
scary manster!
woopps.. dont get scared! it's just me.
isa na naman sa mga kaweirduhan ko last night. in the name of 'clear' skin [wish ko lang], i tried putting an oats mask. [is that what you call it? ] i dont even know. hehe. it was messy, sobra. marami pang kuwento later, i have class at 830. poetry.. hay, sasakit na naman ulo.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/19/2004 08:17:00 AM
am i just overreacting?
i dont know if im just being unfair of judging a person i barely know. but i cant help but be scared of her.im talking about our new 'dormmate'. actually, dalawa sila. i dont even know when exactly they came to the dorm. when i saw them, i was surprised of course, because i didnt know that there were new boarders. plus the fact that they look kind of in their late twenties already. syempre, iniiexpect ko, mga estudyante ding tulad ko. . i think they are muslims because of the way they dress.oh so yun nga, they even said hi to me. i dont know why i got scared. weird. i got scared with the way they say HI? isnt that weird? hinde, ang creepy kase the way they said HI eh - in a low, quite deep voice na parang ang bagal. gets? [shet, im not very good with descriptions. sorry. hehe] let's put it this way,parang SAD hi. hehe. is there such thing?
i dunno. then the next day, at 5 am, as i entered the bathroom [ i was half-asleep, half-awake that time], i got freaked out when i saw this black shawl. wala lang. ang creepy kaya. i took a bath trying my best not to glance at it. i was even scary to touch it to remove it from where it was hanging. im positive it was hers.
then just this morning, i saw her in front of the mirror [near the bathroom],cutting her hair. she was just letting her hair fall on the floor. i looked at her; she smiled and said HI. i rushed to the bathroom to take a bath. as i was about to finish, i heard this weird sound, parang a person was vomitting. siya pala. she was brushing her teeth. yeah right.
i wish not to bump into her later. she and her strange HIs scare me. really.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/18/2004 04:19:00 PM
another mushy poem [hehe]
ssshh..quiet.we need silence.
listen to the music
sweet whispers in your ear.
listen. intense.
ssshh..
still, you cant hear
and i fear
another drop of tear.
note: INTERPRET it in any way you like. please..
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/17/2004 10:48:00 PM
watch kill bill
nga pala, it's yeye's birthday today. we watched kill bill. ha, gore. i could say it deserves its r18 rating having blood and violence throughout the film. but im not saying that it is a bad one. i actually love it. :)i particularly love the plot and the script [may mga humorous lines kase nang bigla-bigla]. characters are also well-developed, i should say. the film shows why each of the characters have such madness and motivation to do such brutal killings.
at the end of the movie [ vol. 1] bill said that the child of uma thurman is alive. it makes me want to see vol 2 to find out who her child is. :)
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/17/2004 08:02:00 PM
i am cursed
i am cursed to lose things every time i drink beer. haha, weirdo. well, it happened again last night sa kalintura [ gig sa school] . i lost my pencil case and syempre, everything that's in it [ my pens, highlighter, breath spray, comfort eye drops and my earrings, my bracelet]you might ask why i put my earrings and bracelet there. well, i know that every time i go 'drunking', i lose any jewelry or accessory [ good thing im not into wearing really expensive ones.]. it always happens, swear. when i watched the gig at bay's inn, i lost my blue anklet. when i drank with a friend, i lost my black beaded thumb ring [anyway, he found it under his car seat the day after. whatever.] during an overnight in my cousin's place [ of course, we drank that night] , i lost my musical note earrings. when i drank with my high school buddies this christmas break, i lost my earring again. thanks to luthgard he found it [wala nga lang yung pakaw]. so last night, I took precautions. i removed my earrings, bracelet and ring and put them in my pencil case.
when the gig was almost over [ i can remember kapatid was playing that time], i found out i lost my pencil case. oh, shet. katangahan.
i wonder what i'll lose the next time i drink.
it scares me but that definitely wont stop me from drinking. [ paminsan-minsan lang naman] hehe.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/17/2004 07:50:00 PM
another down day
shet, i dont understand myself. i dont get it why this day feels so shitty. whatever. it's really not about cramming school requirements and the like but it's about something that i reallly cant figure out myself. I FEEL F*CKIN DOWN, why oh why, that is the question. just another down day, i guess.it wasnt exactly in the way i started this day. the first few hours of this day went fine naman. may maaga pa nga kaming kuwentuhan ng mga roommates ko.but i dunno. i feel really down, heavy blah blah,. basta it's not a good feeling. at dahil feeling ko nga down ako, yan na, may mga reasons na nga ako para mainis, malungkot, manghinayang.
1. i lost my phone string [ i dunno what it's called exactly ] with the cute sony ericsson logo. the worse thing is that to get another one, i have to get another t610. hassle. it's with the package kase.
2. that stupid sony ericsson branch doesnt have that USB cable i badly needed so that i could transfer my pictures from my fone to the pc. nasayang effort namin ni trish. yeah, right.
what-a-day.
it must have been because of that creepy black shawl i saw this morning in the bathroom. man, it scared me. hhmmm, im creating fiction here. possible yun.
i have my math midterms at 6 pm. [good luck] im begging god not to let this day end even more depressing than it is now.
pray for me.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/16/2004 04:01:00 PM
when i came back to the dorm,i was expecting to find my fone anywhere , on my desk or on my bed.pero tang.ina, hindi ko makita. i started panicking while trying to remember where i must have put it. i was almost into tears when kare and alyana then came. we tried to call the phone and it was ringing. ok, that's a good thing. we heard vibrations and even my WHY ringtone. fact: the phone is just inside the room. THANK GOD. we traced it and assumed that it is in llane's cabinet, she must have kept it for me muna.
grabe, i dont know what i'll do if i lost my phone. well, maybe CRY HARD.
it still is not with me. pero sana nga, tama yung hula namin na andun yun sa cabinet.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/14/2004 01:26:00 PM
my head's gonna crack
i am having a terrible headache. must have been because of the english research paper, fil paper and the math midterms -- all of these on this coming friday.but well ,i would like to thank god 'cause i was able to get tables and statistics for my ukay-ukay research. good thing i checked the national statistics office website. eureka. tons of tables, graphs and press releases. [ not everything would be useful to my research though, but still...]
it's kare's (good friend and roommate) 18th birthday today. woohoo. beer na to. joke lang. hay, how oes it feel kaya to be 18? hehe. wala lang, i guess. i dont have a gift for her. yikes, such a good friend. ow, she will understand, anyway. she's a better friend than i am [ understanding - not demanding blah blah ]. hehe. joke.
yeye is also celebrating her 17th birthday this 17th. kewl. what to do? what to do? dont have plans yet.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/13/2004 05:15:00 PM
*yawn*
i dont understand why i am here fixing my blog etc.. i have a math long test tom. bahala na nga.i cant review. i feel so sleepy. ang weird. i slept extra early last night, around 9? ang dami ko na ngang tulog, i still feel sleepy.
escapist tendencies probably. 'cause when i sleep, i tend to forget everything that needs to be done.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/12/2004 04:03:00 PM
arrgh...
reasons why i should hate this day:1. i dont have reliable interviews and statistics for my research paper [ i want to include an appendix but i dont have anything to put there, unfortunately ]
2. just got our previous long quiz in poetry and i've got a low grade. shet.
3. we had another long quiz [essay-type] about sound in poetry and im positive i sucked at it .. for the 3rd time.
4. we have a math long test tomorrow and i fear a failing grade . [ who doesnt, btw? ]
ha.. mostly acad stuff.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/12/2004 09:37:00 AM
BOREDORM made us do something weird
"BORE-DORM" - a 'fatal' disease / illness commonly experienced by dormers characterized by yawns, sleepy eyes and speechlessness [ ha,the point here is that everyone is quiet.]beware of this disease. my roommates and i unfortunately were hit by this last night. boredorm made the three of us .. uhhmm, well, plain weird.
well, it was a friday night and friday nights are supposed to be HAPPY and FUN night. poor us, we had nothing to do or nowhere to go last night. oww, tara and i were supposed to go to kamuning with her blockmate mikki to watch a gig. we didnt know the exact line-up of the performers but we knew that urbandub is gonna be there. [tara loves urbandub, btw and she made me love it, too by lending me their CD and eventually having it burned for me. ha, nice girl.] but talk about sudden change of minds, we decided not to go because we quite just didnt feel like it. besides, nanghihinayang kami sa pang-taxi namin pati sa entrance fee na 100 bucks. hehe. kuripot.
we were fuckin' bored and sleepy. we first thought of going to eastwood but since we are all in a 'tipid' state, we decided that wouldnt be a really cool idea. we were like "isip kayo, isip kayo kung san tayo tatambay. kaninong bahay kaya tayo puwedeng mag-crash?, inumin na lang kaya natin yung tirang gin diyan. kaso may nstp pala si teng!" owww-kkey.
i went downstairs to do something and when i went back in our room, they told me they already knew where we could go. guess what was our gimmick? ha! we walked to ateneo from the dorm, lied down on a blanket [that one could mistake for a towel because of the size and the fabric. hehe] sa kalagitnaan ng bel field AND watched the stars.
i had AMAZING discoveries. i already knew how the orions belt looks like [thanks to tara]. i also saw for myself that clouds really do move. hey, we actually saw the clouds cover the moon. wala lang. and the weird thing is that what we would do is 'magkuwentuhan' then when we looked at the sky, WOW, the thingies [hehe, gago no?] there have already changed their positions. ang bilis. well, well, well.
we were at the dorm by 1 am. dont think that we slept there. we are not that stupid naman no. hehe.
weird? no. ok, a bit weird. still, to defend ourselves, we just did it because we felt the need and urge to cure ourselves of BOREDORM.
thank me. when you experience it, you'll have an idea what to do. ;)
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/09/2004 10:01:00 PM
nakakatouch
i was touched when my friend yeye came to my dorm this morning just to give me 'biko' or simukmani. [basta kakanin siya na favorite ko] it 's really for the pasalubong festival at kalay dorm in up, if im not mistaken.she has class by 8 so she just dropped by to give me the food. by this i mean she really just dropped by. she was quite in a hurry 'cause she didnt want to be late in class eh sobrang traffic [ well, katips pa.]well, wala lang. i just think that what she did was really nice and sweet :)
tamang-tama lang iyong dating nung food coz i really needed lots of carbo for energy. why? 'cause we ran from the college cov courts to moro sports center [which is in the high school]. yeah right, and of course, we had to go back so doble iyong kapaguran. [good luck]
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/08/2004 09:04:00 AM
FLAt
arrghh! im obviously an amateur with this blogging thing. it looks so flat and basic. yeah, right.i am thinking of adding headings and images sana if possible. kaso i get lost with the template upgrade thing. i'll probably ask my blog-expert roommates later.
Posted by tengcorrea at 1/06/2004 05:29:00 PM
i wasnt even in the mood for taking a bath this morning. but hey, i want to make it clear that even though im not in the mood, of course, i took a bath, even though the water was freezing cold it seemed to be stinging my skin.. i dont wanna stink on the first day of classes for 2004. hehe. definitely not a good way to start the year, right?
bad trip.
speaking of bad trip, we had another bad trip [ i mean bad trip in its most literal sense ha.]. but in fairness, it's only the second worst trip ever. in short, better than worst. [good luck] our trip from baler to manila the other day was 22-hour long. 8 hours less than the other trip i told you about [ ha, should i thank god? yes, definitely] iyon nga lang, we were attacked by mosquitoes while we were waiting for tito buboy to pick us up. {shell station in bulacan} my cousin reno even had to convert his legs into mummies by covering it with tissue paper. hehe
it's a sad thing also that we had to leave the van here in manila, have it fixed and eventually sell it. shit, im becoming sentimental now. hinde, ganon naman talaga di ba, we sometimes get attached with things that we own. but time really comes when we just have no other choice but to lose the thing kase kailangan. try to relate it with our relationships with people. hay,, oops, stop, i dont wanna talk about heavy things now,
gotta go for now.
