Sunday, September 21, 2008

Rant my stress away.

I feel so sick right now. Whew. I just want to have this extreme sickness that would automatically confine me to my bed for a year - staring at the ceiling and forever waiting for good friends to come and visit me. I am exhausted.

Grr.. I hate going to work. I hate what I have been doing for work. Well, I always have. It was just that I extra hate it these days. I hate bugging people – I hate doing follow ups. I hate systems and processes and documents. I hate waiting for people’s signatures. I hate going all through all this for something I am not even sure if I really want.

Well, I am to go to a business trip first week of October (good luck to me when I haven’t even submitted our visa requirements for processing). Hell yeah, it sounds exciting. If it happens, it would be my first time in a foreign land.

But hell yeah, it does not excite me. I am scared to death. I am scared of being lost in translation, of those train signs and maps I do not know how to make sense of. I am scared of clients observing us while we do our jobs. I am scared of being gone for days and not being able to communicate with people I care about. But most especially, I am scared that this project would fail. And as early as now – I think it is failing (woo.. negative energy here I come). Fecking visa applications – I could not even jumpstart it on time.

I am just ranting. Forgive me, I just needed to let it go.

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/21/2008 03:47:00 PM

0 comments Monday, September 08, 2008

Jeff Bebe, Baby! =p (random entry)

I have seen “Almost Famous” for the nth time and had this unexpected appreciation for one character (unexpected since before he was simply a background, hehe =p) - Jeffrey.

Stillwater’s front man is for me the most conflicted – the bearer of love disguised as hate. [To Russell: “I don’t love you man. None of us did! You act above us all, you always have. As if we’re lucky to be with you. And we have to live with it, man. I have to live with you, And now I might die with you and it’s not fucking fair!”.] And yet, I saw this worried look of him when Russell got his hand electrocuted.

He is also the most brutally honest. The bravest of them all to say what he really means –his vanity [To Russell (in the midst of their heated fight over the band’s t-shirt): “Your looks have become a problem.”], his hunger for popularity and the image of ‘cool’, his fear (of William the enemy), his love (for the annoying Leslie. Grr. But at least he’s got the balls to say it. So un-Russell Hammond.)

Hmm.. Now I start to doubt myself. Am I really pro-Jeff or am I just anti-Russell? (Just thinking aloud.)

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/08/2008 03:18:00 PM

1 comments Monday, September 01, 2008

The Juggler

Argh. My thoughts are everywhere. Visually, I could imagine a little man inside this head – he is juggling all these thoughts. And he is making me feel dizzy. These questions – I would I could the answers the moment I ask them.

Why I this fecking SIM not yet activated?

When is he coming back? I need to tell him something.

When do we do the telecon? Would I be able to tell him my every concern.

How can she make me cry? She’s a stranger. And she’s a fecking robot.

What was she thinking? Does she think I’m irresponsible?

Why am I such a sleepyhead recently?

Will I go see Japan? Would be worth all this stress?

Will he miss me? Does he miss me now?

What was she thinking? Does she think I’m trying too hard?

Am I gay?

Would that be ok with him? Or ayaw niya because that would be hassle? Eh paano na? Wala na ngang chance. Wala nang ibang way.

“Masakit. Di lang naman kita gusto eh. Mahal kita.” What? Bakit kinikilig ako kay Jericho?

What’s will all the details of that customer assistant?

How can I even dream of wanting to be famous when I get shaken with the ‘littlest’ intrusion on my private life? But hey, it was not ‘minor’ – was she spying on me? That being confidential? Who is she kidding?

An old maid? =Noooooooo….

Should I go home?

Where is home? (God, I just get tired commuting every day. Literally dragging my feet sometimes.)