Sunday, July 30, 2006

blank

i cant believe i want to say the same thing i did in entry before this.

"i want to cry right now"

(clarise is right. it is annoying that everytime i visit blogger, im really feeling down so almost all of my entries are about those "negative thoughts". worse, im in an internet cafe so )

but anyway.

yesterday, i was happy. as usual, i owe it not to myself but to other people.
today, i am sad. i feel alone because i am no longer with those people who made me happy yesterday.

how can i be so dependent, right?
(shit. fighting!)

my mind just got blanked. and i am doing a stupid thing while in this internet cafe - what i told you i wanted to do in the beginning of this entry.

vj forgets about me. the word forget is exagerrated, i know. maybe what i really wanted to say is that he is really giving up on me this time.

(i wonder where that came from but i just felt like writing it down.

Posted by tengcorrea at 7/30/2006 10:22:00 AM

6 comments Thursday, July 27, 2006

hate is such a lovely word

i want to cry right now.

i hate who i am and who i am not, and will never be.
i hate the way i think. i hate my thoughts, and yet i also hate those thoughts i cannot think of.
i hate the way i feel. i hate the realization that i 'tell' people how they should feel about me. (and they dont obey me)
i hate the way i talk which always gives the people i am talking to the idea that i dont even know what i am saying, because i am dumb.
i hate the way i write. i cannot even make well-constructed sentences for this fucking thesis.

i hate the FACT that i dont make sense.
i hate the FACT that i am living another crap day in this crap life.

this stupid mood ring again shows its deep blue color, telling me that i am lovable. who are you kidding. you're a little piece of junk.

how do you expect other people to love you when you dont even love yourself?

one truth. i hate.

Posted by tengcorrea at 7/27/2006 10:36:00 PM

1 comments Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i have a confession to make:

i was actually hurt last night when i found out.. that..

hehe.

i cried a bit. and it was actually weird considering the mood i am generally in these days. (i just like to think that having tons of work numbs me.)

but last night, oh well, i just did it again.

Posted by tengcorrea at 7/26/2006 02:08:00 PM

0 comments Tuesday, July 18, 2006

missing people and places

yeah. i am saddened by the thought that i don't get to (or choose to) be with some people, or that they just dont choose to be with me.

.. that i cannot be where i want to be right now, and for some reason, that is in baler. (i miss home.)
.. that i cannot be in another time, where everything runs slower.

but such sad thoughts occur to me just from time to time. i am god damn busy to be in touch with my emotions these days.

oh well.. maybe that's obvious. i dont even have the time to update this blog. hehe.

Posted by tengcorrea at 7/18/2006 07:13:00 PM

0 comments Tuesday, July 04, 2006

a comment i couldn't post

I've read a friend's blog and wrote this comment, which i unfortunately couldnt post due to some whatever difficulty. so for the mean time, i am posting it here:

nakatutuwa ang iyong pahayag, clarise. tapat. :)
Bagaman hindi ko alam kung ang pinag-uusapan mo ay pamimilosopiya o ang iba pa (at nagkakaintindihan na tayo marahil kung sino / ano ito :) ), nauunawaan ko ang gusto mong sabihin.
magkaiba nga lamang tayo. gusto ko ang kalayaan ng taong mahal ko. (balintuna, dahil iyon DAW iyon pag-ibig.)
(hehe, i think an entry in Fil deserves a comment in Fil as well)

Posted by tengcorrea at 7/04/2006 06:18:00 PM

3 comments Saturday, July 01, 2006

down

i remember a friend saying before that if you cannot stop eating, you must be ovulating.

shet.. i must have been ovulating now. darn. i PROMISED myself first day this week that i'll start dieting so i'll lose weight just in time for my grad pic. of course, i don't want to look fat there!

gggrrr.. so now, i am really frustrated. im such a failure. (shet, OA statement but i mean it. maybe, today is just a down day. hmm.. the last few days actually were also down days. nega.)

i actually have a thesis plenary at 130.. so here i am now, killing time in this internet cafe. im supposed to be in the library now - because yesterday, i planned to do some research today (kase kahapon tinatamad ako) but since i am not in the right mind and (mood) today to be a nerd, here i am. and after a few secs, i don't know where i'll be. of course, i dont plan to spend an hour more here - wasting money. haha

i actually have TWO papers to write - both are due this Monday. What a weekend! One is a theo reflection paper on the statement from The Idiot - "Beauty will save the world"; and the other one is GROUP reflection paper. we are six in the group and i was tasked to get everyone's answers and compile it in a (hopefully) coherent 2-page paper.

(wait. interruption. i want a MCDO cheeseburger. so most probably, i'll drop by Mcdo after this. but i just ate! haha, as in 15 min ago, i just had siopai and that newly launched chips with the dip. what's with my voracious appetite?! babuyan island, tang-ina.)

I've got to find a spot where I can WORK. cello's ? no, i'm just going to buy donuts, haha. Mcdo? haha, im just gonna eat again.. haha, it's weird. i dont want to think of the library as a good spot (even if most probably,it indeed is). there's no food there. hehe

"ok, teng. blahs and blahs.. " - that was my conscience speaking. i better go now.. somewhere else.