Thursday, September 29, 2005

hmm.. doing again my favorite .. promoting..

visit www.freewebs.com/gingerfreaks.

:) the band. bow.

(some might not read it in the comments box eh. :) )
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ok.. im sorry i dont have that much time to write these days. if you'll only see me.. im a walking dead.. (thanks to my beloved school.. my beloved profs.. my beloved coursework.. and my beloved laptop.. which by the way is pretty fyu**ked up..) i love my life. i live it.

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/29/2005 04:37:00 PM

0 comments Friday, September 23, 2005

haha.. that is so weird. .why do some phrases in my previous entry have hyperlinks?

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/23/2005 02:18:00 PM

0 comments

i just had 30 minutes of sleep since yesterday.. well, it was nobody else's fault but mine. there was no paper i had to cram for whatsoever. i actually was with baba and pupung - but not really. ok,, i better explain that.. we were supposed to have this movie marathon but since i have SOME schoolwork (deal with the sarcasm.. SOME = a qualitative research paper, which ideally is 20 pages or more; a research proposal, which is half the quali paper but is crucial for it basically is our proposal for next year's thesis; a short film, and we dont have a script yet; and an unexpected eco quiz bee (haha. i have a funny story about this!) later at 430...

wheeww.. im sorry for digressing.

back to the movie marathon.. they did watch this new rob scheneider flick while i was in the other room reading about cybercafes and technosocial, heterotopia shit. then i joined them for dark water the american version but i really didnt get to watch it. thanks to baba who have seen the asian (im not sure if it's jap or chinese?) version so he was like anticipating every supposedly scary scene. haha. and he found pleasure in scarying me, for some reason.. haha.. spoiler.

after that.. i tried reviewing for later's quiz bee. wait wait, dont think that when i say i got to join the finals -- that that is so 'wowable' haha.. it is just an activity sponsored by an Economics org in school. i just joined last monday's elimination round (which was a written 25-item test) for the sake of 5 golden points for the next long test. haha.. loser.. oh well, you get 5 points by merely joining. then i surprisingly got to the final 10 and so, i accumulated 10 points already. i have no ambition of winning this 'Battle of the BraEANs' (yeah, that is what it is called) but i tried to read a bit still because i dont wanna be embarassed. the mechanics suck big time. grr.. we are two teams competing but then, each of us has to answer two questions individually. (get? basta ganun) wait, side story, one of the quizbee's organizers just passed by -- whewww.. i just wrote that their contest sucks. haha. not in the harshest sense of the word suck. i just freakin' lack sleep! forgive me.) AND then, the team members would vote out the least competent member.

***

enough of whining.. now i'd like to share insights from my philo class (hey.. i am learning some important things from this class even if i really almost slept in class earlier the morning. it wasnt the class, the prof or the lesson, anyway.. just me..

if you really love someone / something.. say "i love you, you shall not die." i would like to label it the "essentially human way" of verbally expressing love :)

well, it doesnt mean that you want that person / thing to live forever.. literally. the point is rather simple but as said in class, the simplest things are the hardest to explain. what that means is that even if you know that that being is going to vanish in the order of time, the moment that you love that being (e.g. by appreciating its beauty), you are bringing the finite to the eternal.

it is not that cheesy kind of love. but relating it to that cheesy kind of love, haha, it's like saying that even if your loved ones die (and you, as well), the moments / experiences that you have had with that person are forever going to live.

there is also the contrast between possessing and belonging. think about this: the more that you possess someone /something, the less you belong together. belonging is essentially more essential. [haha, :-) ] because it involves a lived bond that's going to transcend time. an example of possessing or loveless having in its purest sense, is owning a land by mere land titles. it is different from really knowing the land - like if you are the one who plants in it, or takes care of it.

hmm.. i just remember my recent entry on how possessive i can be when i love. now clearly, it is essentially not a definition of love (since it is defined as loveless having, right?!) . something to reflect on.. indeed.

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/23/2005 01:33:00 PM

0 comments Sunday, September 11, 2005

happy tres.

to my baba, it's been three seemingly long months (haha.)

it is amazing how much of a spoiler i can be. he was supposed to surprise with something - just little stuff. of course, unknowingly, i looked inside his bag and saw that stuff. stupid..arr..arr.. great, i surprised myself.

he had another 'surprise' in mind. unfortunately, i spoiled it as well. when he texted me that afternoon that he was in gateway and between us, it's like saying that we meet up, i didnt really tell him that i would go. and really, i had no plans of going because it was raining quite hard plus i had papers to finish for school. but then, i showed up. haha.. and just when i was about to leave, he told me he had plans that we welcome the 11th together, since that was our monthsary nga. he was supposed to buy a cake blah blah.. but then he eventually didnt because he thought i wasnt going. great.. again.

yeah. .but at least, the great part was : yeah, we welcomed the 11th together - with a cake that is not really a cake, since shops were closing when i decided i could stay (haha) and we could pursue with the plan (it actually was 4 opera cakes- i dont know why such name! - and then on the center, we put a number 3 candle, haha). then together, we made a wish and as what we all want with our wishes, we, or at least i, deep inside wished that that wish would come true. (haha, isnt this so fairy tale-ish)

Posted by tengcorrea at 9/11/2005 09:24:00 PM

0 comments Saturday, September 03, 2005

i just had the most awful realization that i love -- in the unhealthiest way.

sorry, please bear with the love topic once again. but it is just that this is mainly what has been bothering me these days.

i'd really love to share so much of my thoughts on this but as learned in Philo, there are certain experiences that one just couldnt easily express. this is not fear of disclosure or opening of self but probably because the experience is so deep and complex that words alone cannot transmit the experience in its entirety.

i know. i know. i dont seem to make sense.

but trying to put it simply -- although i really do not want to do this sana because i would be subject to several possible misinterpretations.

when i really love, i am possessive. i am selfish. i want the world to be just me and that person i love.

i know it is against the biblical definition of love. i know it is against the definition of true love. but this is my definition. and this explains it all why i am isolating myself from everyone- even from the very person ive always wanted to be closest to - even if, again, it is killing me.. slowly.

the more i try to protect myself from getting hurt, the more i get hurt. the more i deny to myself that i can love THIS much, the more it gets into me that "yes, i can" and "yes, i do."