Sunday, January 29, 2006

if you are having a really bad day.. these words of wisdom might help.

the original: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
ours with the tweak: The journey of a single step sometimes takes a thousand miles.

true, right? haha..

and.. and.. if you feel that the world and its circumstances are all against you.. be proud to say 'buti na lang... ganto ganyan" example, "buti na lang 3 long tests ko this week." "buti na lang, may pikon sa aking kaibigan ko." mga ganun.. yeah right.

Posted by tengcorrea at 1/29/2006 04:22:00 PM

0 comments Sunday, January 22, 2006

i attended my philo class wearing shades this morning - because i was trying to hide my eyes -which shed lots of tears last night . hmm.. for reasons i want to avoid remembering now. i might cry again. just a side story - my prof even noticed and so he said "tingnan mo itsura ni teng, parang tang-ina, anong ginagawa ko dito?! im too good for this class! para kang si jessica alfaro." hmm.. konek? point is: i looked (and probably still look) that harassed.

but that's ok. because i am. i am so tired of everything. i am so tired of life. i am so tired of myself. i wish i could just sleep.. and sleep.. and sleep.. until God decides that "aahh.. she is not making much sense to my gift to her. it is time i get it." of course, such thoughts are BAD. i have no right to anticipate, (and even think) what God would probably think.

but i just said, and i do not want to take it back. i wish God could just do me that very big favor despite the fact(s) that i don't pray, that i find it hard to go to mass, that i think no one loves me, no one cares, no one respects me.

my last phrases could be true. could be false. but one thing i know: i am tired of expecting and i would like to TRY to stop expecting other people to love me, care for me, or respect me because I don't to those things to myself. How can I expect people to love me when i dont show them that i deserve such?

last night. i had to give up the last person i have been holding on to these hard days because i feel no more ..
love, respect. it is as if the very person i EXPECT to listen, to understand, does not do so anymore. it is as if my every tear is just another tear, my every sob just another sob - which i all make up. if i cry now, it doesnt matter because i always do - for no reason. so even if today when i do have reasons, he wouldnt feel the gravity, and thus would feel no desire, or need at least to make it all float or even make it just a bit lighter.