Monday, September 18, 2006

a typical day in the life of me

i feel weird now. i feel lightheaded. i can't see clearly. my nose feels cold.

hhmm.. maybe it's because of that tiring field trip for history class yesterday; or that shitty compilation of people's theological reflections (god, i tell you my brain was fried trying to put a sensible flow to everything); or maybe it's that 4 am binge jap noodle breakfast i had while doing that theo proj or the panucha or whatever food and drinks i put in my system.

or maybe i just hate the fact that my only class today is a free cut; and yet i cant go home because i am waiting for the 10 accomplished survey forms (sana!) fr my history classmate which he would give me by 1130./ yeah right, there's another thing i would have to wait for today - that spss software which we need for our thesis. (shet.. typing the word reminds me of pressure and stress)

but do i really want to go home? for the past few days, i hate going home. because there is a kind of waiting that i feel could no longer take. it is amazing that in the midst of all the stuff i had to do for school and my other petty worries, he still occupies my mind. he keeps on HAUNTING me. argh. i hate it.

when a day passes and i havent seen him, i wonder and i worry. or maybe it is just the thought that he is with somebody else during that time. but when i see him, i hate it when he doesnt even say hi but i also hate it when he does. i hate it more when he is nice to me -when he tells me i look sad or that i look bored so he called me so that we could watch something. yeah right, he called me so that we could watch then i realized he was leaving. (i didnt even have the courage to ask where but then i know i'd regret my asking afterwards.)

i cant believe i am saying these things. i cant believe i can be this pathetic.
yeye is right. i am making him affect me this much. so much. so much that i want to run away.