Monday, February 21, 2005
Caution: this entry not for those who are not in the mood for-cheese- and drama.. and tagalog
--
naalala ko ang sinabi sa akin dati ng isang tao – alam ko si teng maldita iyan pero kahit ganyan iyan, mahal ko iyan. Dahil hindi ko hinahanap sa kanya kung ano ang bagay na hindi talaga siya.
Nakakaiyak sa tuwa kapag naisip mong may taong magmamahal sa iyo nang ganito katotoo.. ganito kalalim… ganito kawalang-kondisyon.
..at nakababaliw na yata sa lungkot kapag alam mong wala – wala kahapon, wala ngayon, wala bukas, wala sa araw pagkatapos ng bukas, wala kahit kailan. --hindi kaya galit na ang Diyos sa iyo kapag ganon?---
May tao na bang nagsabi o nagsasabi sa iyo na mahal ka; na nami-miss ka; na gusto kang makasama. Paulit-ulit. Nakakabingi pero madalas, masarap pakinggan. Ayos lang. Aba, kahit papano pala, may nakakaalala sa iyo, may gustong makasama ka.
Pero minsan, nakakarindi. Kase mahal ka raw, nami-miss ka raw.
Huh?! Talaga?
… ang alam ko, ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Nakakainis. Nakakairita. Nakakainis kapag inuulit-ulit sa iyo pero hindi mo talaga makita; nahihirapan ka talagang maramdaman at ang mas masama pa roon, para bang laging pinaparamdam sa iyo – hindi man sabihin diretso sa mukha mo na:
napakamanhid mo naman.
hindi mo man lang nakikita
hindi mo man lang naaa-appreciate
Pero kasabay nito, sinasabi rin niya sa iyo na:
nahihiya ako sa iyo. Lagi na lang kitang nasasaktan.
ang sama-sama ko na
oh! Sino na pala ang kawawa? Sino na ang nasasaktan? Sino ang nananakit?
Teka, teka, bago natin pag-isipan ang sagot sa mga tanong na ito. May kawing-kawing na tanong dapat munang masagot bago ang lahat: ano ba kita? Ano mo ba ako?
Sige, mahal mo naman daw ako ---ilusyon---. Pero babalik na naman sa isyu ng pagiging manhid ko at paghingi mo ng sori dahil alam mong may mali ka rin. Hanggang sa iikot na naman ang argumentong ito.
M-A-H-A-L; A-H-A-L-M; H-A-L-M-A, A-L-M-A-H; L-M-A-H-A
Eh ni hindi naman talaga ata natin naiintindihan ito eh.
Mahal mo ba ang isang tao kung may simpleng bagay kang sinabi at hindi lang niya ‘nakuha’ agad, galit ka na?
Mahal mo ba ang isang taong hindi lang makapangumusta, iniisip mo agad nakalimutan ka na?
Mahal mo ba ang isang tao kung nanunumbat ka kung sa tingin mo, hindi niya binibigyan ng halaga ang ‘pagpupuyat’ na ginawa mo o kahit anong sakrispisyo na ginawa mo para sa kanya?
Mahal mo ba ang isang taong sinusubukang bumawi sa iyo pero pinaparamdam mo lang sa kanya na “ha? Ikaw ba yan?”
Ha?
Wag kang mag-alala. Hindi ako naghihintay ng sagot. Hindi mo naman ako kailangan para sagutin iyan ngayon. Puwede bukas. Puwedeng ‘saka na’ kapag nagkatotoo na talaga ang babay mo.
**
kung sa tingin mo para sa iyo ito…
wow, salamat sa Diyos. Nagkakaintindihan pa pala tayo.
Posted by tengcorrea at 2/21/2005 05:54:00 PM
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.
And someone deserves my deepest thank you.
Thank you. You are always appreciated more than you think.
Posted by tengcorrea at 2/15/2005 06:01:00 PM
i myself dont want to believe it. but i think i am. and as usual, i am in love with someone i know i cant have. here i am again.. i know exactly how to wound myself.
sheeshh. .what a great way to spend valentine's day tomorrow. (when i know he is to spend it someone else he loves so deeply.) :;(
Posted by tengcorrea at 2/13/2005 05:02:00 PM
when i sing, it rains?
hehe.. seriously. :-p
Posted by tengcorrea at 2/13/2005 10:16:00 AM
benta ang wig na ito ah! kewlness. i cant imagine myself having a hairstyle THAT short. :p dont i look so high school (whatever that high school look is). so innocent-- looking, hehe
Posted by tengcorrea at 2/12/2005 03:06:00 PM
hehe. some pictures taken during our filming for our asian history project.
god knows how much i wanted to write a really loong entry about this one. but it seems there's much to say that i find it really hard to organize thoughts
pero basta, i love this group and the people who are in it. it's kind of cheesy, i know. well, it's just that for the past four days that we have spent together - meeting up to talk about the uber many props; eating pizza and lotsa food - sometimes without even paying for it, hehe; complaining about the "bugs that crawl in the ground," which we all hate -- arrgh (except ail, i guess. peace po:) ) ; digging in that pile of clothes; yawning ; staring at each other's sleepy and dark-circled eyes; 'catching' the natural light (and waiting for darkness) as we shoot every ; and laughing until our eyes get misty and our stomachs ache.., YOU ALL SHOWED ME A DIFFERENT WORLD.
i had an escape from my monotous, often solitary world. for that four days, i was with people - really great and i loved it. i didnt care if i get sleepy that my eyes just automatically drops, i didnt care if being with you made me fat (because i cant resist the food); i didnt care if i wasnt able to do my school stuff ; i didnt care if i become everybody's personal assistant or alalay... i was happy. it felt good not being alone, once in a while.
now, i feel a bit sad. everything is back to NORMAL now. i attend my classes. i go to the library. i surf the internet - research, check email. then i go home, read, write a paper, and sleep. wake up early, prepare myself to school, blah blah.. the cycle goes. it is killing me. but i find no way to stop death from attacking me.
god, i miss working with those cool people. to jay,ail,tim,kt,les,enrico,ralph,carlo and gelo - i miss all of you. really.
