Tuesday, June 24, 2008

An ending

For one, this month kicked off with a goodbye. An unexpected ending, it was. I was eaten by anger and envy that I said things which hurt the other person, and/or magnified the hurt that I or we were having. Little did I expect that instead of assuring me that despite THAT, we are going to be ok, because we will again try – I did not expect that the only choice for that person is to quit. Initially, I thought it was one of those ‘misunderstandings’ that could easily be fixed the following day – usually with not much explanation needed.

I was wrong. Days passed, and not one of us did any effort to ‘fix things’. It was freedom night the next (and the last time) that we talked. Goodbyes were said but it was funny how it did not feel that sad. I realized then that sometimes, the presence of someone can make all the loneliness go away. So at that moment when we were talking, I thought that nothing was really over.

Again, I was wrong. Indeed it was goodbye. We haven’t seen each other since then. We have only communicated occasionally. One was when (I think) he trying to try to be there for me (try-try L ) during one of my lowest points (which I shall speak of later in the entry.) Anyway.. right now I’m trying my best to be ok. Although I am certain where I can be truly fine, I am slowly learning to let go, especially when as the days pass, it is getting clearer that there is simply no place for me there anymore.