Sunday, August 24, 2008
Games
So this is the scenario –
You are a little kid, and every time you come home from school, your mother gives you this present – a bag of candies – of different flavors. She would happily give you a piece or two and give you a warm and tight hug afterwards. She would not leave the room until she sees you smile and hug you back.
But hell, you really did not feel like smiling after eating those candies. They don’t taste good – not one flavor. Eating these candies make you cry. But you eat them anyway and pretend to be happy doing so because you love your mother. And you love the thought of your mother giving the candies to you.
And you love your mother so much that you don’t tell her the truth of you not liking the candies. Or you sugarcoat it. For there are times when you just cannot eat any more of it – you tell her you do not like the candies - some of the candies.
Day after day, you suffer. Until one day, you felt you have this big decision to make.
Do you tell her that you do not like what she has been giving you? (And bear the pain of --
…. knowing and feeling that you have hurt the feelings of someone you love
… dealing with the consequence that she would stop giving you candies – an act you got so used to and genuinely loved.
Or do you shut up and continue lying to your self and to your mother? And hope that maybe one day –
… your taste buds would be ‘numb’ to the painful taste
… you could taste at least one flavor that you would like
… OR your mother would see through you and without you even having to tell her, would decide to give you something that would make you really happy.
Maybe I am that little kid. Tomorrow night, I will be going home and I am expecting a bag of bad-tasting candies. And I know it is going to be worse.
Because I know she would not be there to give it to me. I would see it laid on my bed. My ‘mother’ has to pretend that it did not come from her. She has to pretend that she did not see me coming home – and that she is damn busy teaching my little sister how to read. Oh yes, my little sister who never gets the bad candies – only the best hugs. (Lucky bitch.)
Should I even come home? Most likely, I still would. I just could not figure out whether because I could not bear the greater pain of loss, or that I could simply not stop myself from hoping.
The Best Game in the World is Play Dead
You drop. (I’m so helpless.)
You close your eyes (I can’t see the enemy – and my friend being with the enemy.)
You breathe silently. (I’m here but it’s just me. Don’t mind. I’m dead.)
You pretend to be numb when poked. (I’m not fucking hurt. It’s fucking ok.)
Until game is over.
Until there is no more “play”
Just what –
You got that right.
Spot the similarities.
Look at this picture and spot the 'almost twins'.
