Tuesday, February 28, 2006

lie. invent.

this lie must stop.

i no longer want to make up stories. i no longer want to invent reasons.

someone used to ask me where i am, or whether i have eaten, or when i will be back - not because i am in some way special - not because that someone likes me, not because that someone is waiting. it is just that someone is just like that. that someone makes me smile but that is not because he chooses to do so. i am not his reason for his acts of kindness, sweetness towards me, and i never will.

all this time, i am lying. i am making up stories. i am inventing reasons. and i feel so stupid for doing so - because from the very beginning, i know this is one big joke.

a joke that used to be a very good one. but not anymore.

i must stop. but honestly, what's still stupid is that i am still thinking that that someone would get affected. again, i am inventing.