Saturday, December 31, 2005

what's a "happy new year" without the word "happy" in it? it is dangerous, i tell you.
first of all, a warm thank you to all the people who sent me such greeting last night. it is very well appreciated and if you guys only knew how i was feeling then, you'd realize how much of a great help a single greeting of "happy new year" would mean to me.

i didnt start the year right. and i am not so proud of it why i am writing it here. but i just want to let it out. so warning: for those who dont wanna get infected, stop here. read no further of this entry.

it feels so hard to welcome a new year with so many thoughts, with much heaviness - that those few drops of tears i shed were of no help. a thought why some people just can't help but get in the way of the happiness of some. a thought why some people can be so judgmental when they f*#king dont know that person they're judging(and it was as if they do - even more than the person closest to that person does). a thought why some people would always want to have a certain control over someone. a thought why some would assert that they are being fair when in reality and in all circumstances, there is really no such thing.

and a thought why there are some people whose heart is so full of hatred - toward people they are not supposed to hate. a thought why they are people who like to fight for some who doesnt want to be fought for. a thought why there are some who have to hate other people to prove to themselves that they love someone.

thoughts. just thoughts. i dont expect answers. i dont expect change.
as shallow and selfish as it may sound, i only want the first word in that greeting, even without the second.