Tuesday, July 12, 2005

it is all over..

shit.. and the most painful thing is doing something that you know deep inside you dont want to do and is going to hurt you... but you just have to.

i didn't grow tired. i didn't stop loving. it is just that the feeling of doubt that i have been pushing away from my mind from the beginning is starting to surface - in my head and worse, in my heart.

last night, i thought i was numb. for a few minutes before going to sleep, i just stared on the ceiling thinking of nothing.. not feeling sad or guilty of my impulsive decision. but this morning, when i woke up, everything that i was trying to supress and hide last night poured out. and i began doing what i love most - crying.

life would definitely be different. i dont know if it going to be better or worse; happier or sadder. i am free and at the same time, alone. i would have to learn how to love myself again more than anybody else. again, it is going to be me..me.. me...

there would be changes. but i would be a hypocrite if i tell you now that the love, the bond, the feelings i have for that someone have changed this soon. i still love him and this is what im so damned scared of. because no matter how much i try to stop myself from doing what others say never to do after a tragic story - i could not help but expect.. and wish that the time would come that the book would be reopened and that a new chapter will be written - one that's never going to end.