Tuesday, December 28, 2004

We just came home from manila. I’d like to thank god for the ‘smooth’ and safe trip – no flat tires, no overheating etc. despite that, I think our trip today was the worst ever.

I wouldn’t give out details here because sometimes, no matter how much we want to let things out to make ourselves feel better, we know it would be best to keep things to ourselves for the mean time. So let’s just put this way, my family is not ok. It’s not that my parents are getting separated (hope it doesn’t get to that) or that im pregnant or my brother is a drug addict –and the like (I hope you somehow ‘get’ me). but definitely, there’s something wrong. Hello, it’s been a while since I saw and heard my mother talk like that with my father in front of me / us. And what irritates me most is the reason behind their argument – very stupid,, hay.. I don’t know – just not worth it – but no nonsense, I must admit.

I know this is not fair but this time, I publicly say that I am taking side. I’m with my mom. I don’t know, I just find truths in what my mother was saying. and I perfectly understand how she feels right now. We all come to a point when we feel that our word is important. Sometimes, we need to be affirmed that we have a ‘say’ on things and thus should be listened to. We all come to a point when we feel that we should be given the most attention. We all come to a point when we feel that our OWN problems must first be attended to before anyone else’s. yes, that’s very selfish, you might say. But if it through this selfishness that I get to manifest my love for my family; if it is through selfishness that I get to protect my family – then so be it.

I have always been thankful for my family. Although I don’t get to thank God everyday for such a blessing and even though I don’t get to express to my parents and my brother how much of a blessing they are to me – my family means much to me and this i just realized these days.

Where does one draw the line between being selfish and being just protective?

I am selfish now. but I realize that no one messes with my family.
I can make my mother cry. My brother can make my father cry. My father can make me cry. Any of the four of us can make any of us but no one outside can.

jan. 09, 2005 (hehe, i read this entry at nakakahiya dahil puro kulang at mali-maling sentences pala. hay.. hindi ko na na-edit pala sa laptop ko, sobrang sentimiento kase, haha)

teetah, that's why you dont get the story. hehe, mali-mali