Wednesday, January 21, 2004

i havent mastered the art of losing

the other day, we discussed in our poetry class a villanelle entitled one art by elizabeth bishop. the message of the poem struck me. it speaks of the "art of losing". perfect timing. because as you know, last friday, i lost many things- things that you might think are of little importance. but hey, i just couldnt keep myself from whining about losing those things. i always HATE it when i lose things. it makes me feel careless and plain stupid.

After reading the poem, Ive realized that probably - "losing isn’t too hard to master.” not too hard – for me, which means that at one point or another, it still is hard. Losing something or worse, losing someone is difficult and painful. But as what the have come up with our discussion with what the author is trying to communicate – in the future, we are bound to lose more things. We can never expect. We can never be too prepared. And so we must all learn to move on, to say to ourselves in times of loss na “ok lang yan”. We must all learn to master the art of losing because it is inevitable.

This made me reflect on the many things I’ve lost in the past – from small, lifeless things such as my cellphone, the strap, my earrings and everything else that would be too many to mention -- to big things who once were breathing – my puppies [ especially dino that I terribly miss now], and my baby brother. ok, i've lost so many and so much in those 17 years of my life.

And this made me become uneasy and made me ask “in the next years of my existence [which i cant exactly put into numbers], what am i bound to lose?”

would it be my faith in god? [ i hope not. i admit im starting to lose it now.. but i swear i dont want that to happen]

would it be my friendships? [ i really hope not. being alone is really lonely.]

would it be my family? [ no way. it's the last thing i wanna lose ]

or would it be myself? [ the darkest part of it all. ]

I am scared. I must master the art of losing. Before it maims me badly.
The art of healing deep wounds is way more difficult to learn, after all.

and so now, i tell myself -- "ok lang yan, teng. ok lang yan."